Getting There (Quickly)

I’ve been back on the fitness wagon for nearly 5 months. Yesterday, I hit two milestones on the same day. The first was a weight loss goal, the second was a 30 minute running distance goal. Neither were “final goals”—they were just “next goals”.

Something about meeting both of these targets on the same day made me chuckle. That something is related to a question I’ve been asking myself for weeks. Am I getting faster because I’m losing weight, or am I losing weight because I’m getting faster? I may never know the answer, but I’m sure one is responsible for the other. Of course, my new running shoes (pictured above) might also have a little to do with the faster pace. They are freaking awesome!

What’s also great—even though I hate that this matters to me—is that other people are now taking notice of my results. A customer complimented me yesterday on how good I look, and a fellow gym member recently commented (positively) on how fit I am.

Enough bragging for today? I think so. I’ll stop now.

Rollercoaster

Do you ever feel as if you’ve got a lot going on, but in reality, you’re not doing much of anything? That’s pretty much how the last week has played out. I should be crossing things off my to-do list right now, but that’s not going to happen. Instead, I’m going share with you a bit about some of the stuff that’s been going on in my world. Actually, most, if not all, of what I’m about to share happened in a single day—last Monday.

Some of you have been asking about my “leap“. Well… It did not end the way I had hoped. If I had gone my way, it would have meant that I’d get a much needed 12 week escape from my current reality. When I got word that my “wish” was granted to somebody else, my first thought was that “the powers that be” made a poor choice. I know that what I just said may come off as something a sore loser would say, but that’s not how it was. I truly can’t imagine anyone being more suited for that “leap” than me. And trust me, when I—someone who has difficulty recognizing my own strengths—actually believe that nobody is better suited for something, you better damn well believe nobody is! Hours later, when it really sunk in that I’d be stuck in my same dull routine for the foreseeable future, I broke down in tears. The crying continued for hours. 

That wasn’t the only blow I suffered that day. I got slapped with bad news at the optometrists office too.  I knew I couldn’t see out of my right eye, but I didn’t know why. Some time in the last year (after I had last seen both my optometrist and my ophthalmologist) I developed cataract in the centre of my field of vision and it had grown to nearly the size of my pupil. My optometrist told me that he would write a letter to my ophthalmologist requesting that I be put on the priority list for surgery. I will be visiting my ophthalmologist this Friday afternoon. I’ll know more about what’s going to happen then.

The reason I went for my eye exam in the first place was that I was almost out of contacts. My eye doctor told me that he didn’t want to sell me contacts until I got my issue straightened out. Instead, he gave me a box of single use disposable trial lenses. At first I thought they were fantastic. With them, I could see (with my “good eye”) three more lines on the chart than I could see with the lenses I had before. In the car on the way home I still thought the lenses were fantastic. I could see abso-freaking-lutely everything! There were moments on the drive home when the clarity of road signs, birds, and litter triggered happy tears.  I fantasized about the day (after cataract surgery) when I’d be able to see that well with the other eye, and that made me cry even more. Now for the no-so-fantastic part. Those trial lenses don’t correct my astigmatism or presbyopia. When I arrived back in my town, I stopped at the bank. I had to sign a document, but I couldn’t see it.  Reading glasses would have helped with that, but I didn’t have them with me. Later that day, I discovered that reading glasses don’t help me to see my work. For that, I either need a bifocal lens or a weaker prescription. I literally haven’t gotten a damn thing done at work this week. And wouldn’t you know it, after months of having nothing to do, I suddenly have lots of things that need doing.

After giving up on trying to get anything done at work that day, I went out to blow off some steam. While I was out, a man off in the distance caught my eye. His back was toward me, and he was walking away, but there was something magnetic about the way he carried himself.  I couldn’t take my eye(s) off of him. I was bummed when he turned a corner and I lost sight of him.  A few minutes later, he reappeared. He was still a fair distance away from me—far enough away that I would never have seen his face with my old contacts, but with the trial lens I was wearing, his features were crystal clear. He was the guy I couldn’t shake from that dream I had in October!  I can’t help but conclude that crossing paths with him, on that day—a day in which I was on an emotional rollercoaster—was some sort of a sign. (If you have no idea what guy or what dream I’m talking about, you can read about it here in the last, “If we were having coffee right now,” paragraph.)

And just when I thought more “stuff” couldn’t possibly happen on that day, the hourly notifications to remind me to get off my ass stopped working on my Fitbit! I fixed that issue today! I think that’s a sign too—a sign that everything else is going to be fine in the end. 

“Good” Friday (?)

In a moment of insanity, at last month’s community garden meeting, I (along with one other woman) volunteered to spend this morning teaching 150+ small children how to plant Easter Bunny food—AKA lettuce—in pots made of newspaper.

When my alarm went off at 7:00 this morning—Good Friday—my first thought was, “I’d rather be nailed to a cross than do what I’m about to do.” Somehow, I mustered up the courage to get myself out of bed, shower, and drag my arse to the event.

While we were setting up, two teenagers (air cadets) offered to help us with our lesson. Later a couple more teens joined them. Thank goodness they did! Even with the extra help, we were barely able to keep the assembly line we’d set up moving efficiently.

Someone “lost her shit” at the event, and the shocking part was that it wasn’t me. Someone stuck a phone/camera in my face, I reflexively jumped back, and said that I didn’t want to be in the photo. She then asked if she could take one from the side. My answer was, “no.” She did not take kindly to that. In the end, she stomped off like a spoiled child.

Coincidentally, on the table between Camera Lady and me was a stack of photo release papers. Nobody signed them, so, out of respect, we didn’t take a single photo at the event. Yes, I am aware that nobody needs permission to photograph anyone in a public place, but holy hell, it pisses me off when people do it without any consideration of the feelings of person being photographed!

Aside from that one incident, I think everything went relatively well. Will I do next year? Ummm… not if I can convince someone else to take my place. I really am not someone who should be educating anyone’s child.

Tumblr Trial

On Friday, after mocking my English friend, Jonathan, for his fondness of a certain social media/microblogging platform, he replied with the words, “I think you might like Tumblr.”

I’ve stayed away from Tumblr all these years because there seems to be a gross shortage of original content. The platform is heavy on regurgitated material. I HATE that! However, when Jonathan assured me that there are people there who don’t reblog, and that Tumblr people are “really friendly”, I reluctantly agreed to signup and check it out.

To get started, I visited the Tumblr blogs of all the people Jonathan follows. I couldn’t help but wonder if, “I think you might like Tumblr” was some kind of joke. I was also very confused. We like a lot of the same stuff on WordPress. How could he have such lousy taste on Tumblr?

I did manage to find a few people on Jonathan’s list who seemed interesting enough to follow, and, as I type this, he’s off compiling a list of people he thinks I will enjoy. I suspect his efforts are an attempt restore my faith in his judgement, but I do hope he comes back with some good suggestions. I’m not ready to throw in the towel yet. I will give the people of Tumblr a fair chance to make a good impression on me.

The one thing I am certain of when it comes to Tumblr is that, if I stay, all (or nearly all) of what I post will be original content.

Leap

Leap and the net will appear. —John Burroughs

Sorry, John Burroughs, I don’t buy what you’re selling.  The truth is something more like, leap and the net might appear. It’s why so many of us refuse to take the plunge—we are scared shitless that the landing may break us.

More often than I care to admit, I fantasize about walking away from everything familiar so that I can start my adult life over. I’m living state of perpetual meh—I crave an infusion of yay!  Yet, In all the years I’ve spent pining for change, I’ve not, until this morning, had the guts to take action. Today, I was brave. Today I took a leap. The net might appear. It might not. Does it matter? Hell no! The landing won’t kill me. Besides, anything is better than meh at this point. I’m willing to leap again, regardless of what happens this time.